Baggage

This is what I do.

It's a pretty simple dating plan. I talk to a boy that I like, and if something develops, I pursue dates. I usually have to feel some bit of a spark before I ask for that date though. It really takes the guess work out of everything, because I know where I'm going with things. I just have one issue and it's a big one. I always want the ones that don't want me. It sucks. You live in another city, well I'm gonna become really attracted to you. You are emotionally unavailable. Oh man, you're very important to me. Here's the fucked up part... you're the definition of attractive to me, we have so much in common, and you are genuinely interested... I can't stop thinking about Mr. Emotionally unavailable instead of you. Why? Because my ego is everything and I have something to prove to myself. I need someone to need me. I want someone to say that they can't live without me. That they have been searching for me for their whole lives. This never happens though. I'm not sure why not. Maybe it's because these types of scenarios are rare. I refuse to believe it's because I don't deserve it. I always really enjoy the difficult path. The path less chosen.

So I've start to distance myself from these guys. I pull away, and they honestly seem OK with it. That hurts. It's a necessary hurt but it still sucks. I don't want to be someone you can easily forget and that's what I feel like. So I'm giving up. I'm letting these guys burn out or turn it around, but I'm giving this new guy the most honest shot I've given anyone so far. No distractions. I deleted my dating profiles, and I've stayed away from texting these other guys. They aren't worth my time, and to be honest, this new situation could be good. I haven't really dated anyone like him. So I gave myself time to let go of old baggage and I'm ready to get into something new. I can't keep getting caught up in other peoples baggage. I do it all the time and I start asking myself what I did wrong, when it's never been my fault! Here's to new and exciting things. No regrets!