Friday, April 5, 2013


Life sucks. We grow up being told as children that we will understand as we get older. That we just don't understand, we were only just kids after all. I was so far from prepared for the reality. This is the secret that they don't tell us. The truth. When we get older, things still don't make sense, and the only thing we didn't understand as a child was that we have to make these shitty decisions, and live with the consequences. Maybe our elders were just frustrated with this same reality... so they try to spare our younger selves from the pain of this reality for just a while longer?

Yes, life sucks, and through this journey, I'm discovering just how much... yet... there is so much to know, to see, and to feel. Every time I fall down and want to give up, a small miracle comes around. Maybe life is a never ending circle of falling and getting back up. A circle of horrible decisions, getting as low as possible, and a small miracle saving us from ourselves. I feel like, for the first time, I'm finally making wise decisions. Decisions for myself that will benefit me long term. I feel like I'm surrounding myself with people that will matter. Frankly, people that will stick around. I'm making friends that like me for me, and don't judge me for what I am and am not. Still, I don't put stock in people anymore. It's hard not to think like that.

I had to start feeling like I'm enough. Battle scars and all. A complete misunderstanding how life should work, and what I should expect from people. An utter lack of knowledge about this world and how it works. A false sense of love for people that aren't related to me. I'll still fuck up. I'm still far from perfect. I'm enough for me, and that's what matters for now.

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